What is it with Things in Showers?

I’m downstairs making breakfast when I hear Val, my mother-in-law, yell ‘Alannnnn!’ There’s suppressed panic in her voice. It’s not like her to make a fuss over nothing, so I go up to investigate.

‘CRIMIN ENTLIES!!!’ That’s my father-in-law, Alan.

I find them in the guest bedroom staring in horror at the en-suite shower. I take a look.

Sitting in the shower tray is a very wet Mediterranean Banded Centipede.

I’ve seen worse in jungles, but by British standards this centipede is a monster. It’s about 10cm long, with vicious-looking mandibles. The Mediterranean Banded Centipede (Scolopendra Cingulata) is carnivorous and happy to have lizard for dinner. It’s aggressive and though its venom won’t kill you, it can give a very nasty bite. A neighbour’s wife was once bitten in bed by one that had crawled under the duvet. It likes dark places to burrow into. So what it was doing in a whiter-than-white shower room is anyone’s guess.

‘Are you okay catching these things, Julia?’

And here’s the weird truth. If I’d found this in my bathroom in England, I would have run screaming for the hills. But I am Abroad now. And Being Abroad means Being Adventurous. So, yes, I was fine catching it.

I’ve met a Mediterranean Banded Centipede before. Goobie found it curled up in the dining room – it was much bigger than my mother-in-law’s one. It looked so docile and odd that I stopped to take photos and decided to put it in Goobie’s bug box for a closer look. But the minute I tried, it sprang to life and shot off under the water cooler. Aaargghhh!!!! It was INCREDIBLY fast.

So I’m not fooled by the bedraggled appearance of the one in the shower.

And quite right too, because the minute I put the box over it, it springs into action. As I try to put the lid on, I can see it slithering around the box and spilling out of the sides. It’s all mandibles and legs. But I have my mother-in-law to impress, so I’m not taking any nonsense. I clap the lid on, run downstairs with it, and release it in the garden with a stern word to stay where it belongs.

‘Well done, Julia! You’re very brave.’ My mother-in-law is suitably impressed.

But I don’t think I’ll tell her about the one still living under the water cooler . . .